Saad Gul interviews Umair Jalianwala, who is a decade strong consultant and trainer on leadership, a motivational speaker, social entrepreneur, and a personal coach who is driven by ideals, not idols. As a trainer, Umair Jaliawala assimilates business, religion, philosophy, and psychology in a way that makes participants of his sessions reflect, grow, celebrate, cry, and connect.
Matrix Mag (MM): Thank you so much for joining us for this conversation. I’ll dive right into my first question. When we see problems and problems only, it is generally a perception problem. And you often say that there’s opportunity in every problem. What do you mean by that?
Umair Jalianwala (UJ): I’m glad you picked that one up. That is something that has driven me all this while, that the things we complain about are exactly what needs somebody’s work. It is somebody’s job, it is somebody’s enterprise. It is somebody’s social project. So all the problems around have opportunities built in to them because your mind is seeing a problem there, which means there’s a better state that you want this problem to go to and be able to perhaps enjoy that. And seeing life this way has helped me understand that if my school had a terrible policy, it was an opportunity for me to be an activist. If the kids of Lyari didn’t have great engagement available, they were isolated. I could do great activities. It was an opportunity turned into many projects. I had many young people joining me for it.
In the corporate world, when you go to the professional sector, people are working without owning what they are doing, not growing and facing challenges because they have not trained in these subjects. That is where our training comes in. These are all my opportunities which were actually problems. So I advise that look at every problem as an opportunity. But also to keep in mind that not every problem is your opportunity. Each problem is an opportunity, but which problem is your biggest problem? And that’s where the drive comes from.
MM: I love that. You recently said in one of your talks that magic happens outside of your comfort zone and breaking out of the comfort zone requires a certain level of self reflection. How important do you think it is to break out of that comfort zone? If we want to level up?
UJ: So you must have had friends in your schooling and people in your family, are you really honest with them? Do you tell them what you feel about them and what they’re doing?
Only if I’m successful, then feedback is given…even then, it’s too feeble and weak because I have good applause and good thumbs up coming my way from the simplest social interactions, which are biased, prejudiced according to what I want to hear. I wonder how do you plan on creating magic in this world without having an introspective lens on your own life, putting yourself under the microscope. You know, I received thousands of comments on the things that I put out. Are they me? Not exactly, but it’s a perception about me, about what I’m doing and how it’s being received. And then there’s a side that I know. And to put the two together is a great way of getting honest feedback. Try getting evidence for it. Look at the numbers you’ve generated. If I’m a trainer, I look at my own videos, I see myself there and when I see it, I can catch exactly the things that others were highlighting or that I was feeling was a miss. Why is this magic outside the comfort zone? I’ve been telling many stories and some of them are my comfort and they work. But I truly feel amazing when I pick up something new, something that is giving me the goosebumps when I’m talking about them and when I’m enlightened by it.
I applied two simple things. If I keep going to the same restaurant, I can’t expect magic there. If I keep hanging out with the same people, it’s going to be routine, and we’re not designed for that. We’re human beings who have a psychological need to chase the new. Bring this to your professional life and your personal life. And now ask yourself, what all do you do? Do you know what you can deliver to this world? What are the things which you’ve already done? What are the things that you don’t know? Who are the people that you need to meet? What are the skills that you’ve got to learn? You can just imagine what you’re doing right now and add to that. You are, you know, and it’s not just magic for the world telling that it’s magic. It’s that you feel magical, you’re a Wizard, you’re creating and you know nothing is too big to be cracked.
MM: Self-help gurus and life coaches and social media these days can tend to make us believe that happiness is an absence of problems. However, that’s not true. I mean there are all kinds of seasons in life and it’s actually how we deal with our fears or insecurities that actually determines how happy we are. What do you think about that?
UJ: My advice is to not read a lot of self-help and don’t listen only to the gurus of this genre. I know I’m also classified in this genre and I’m saying this because I think Pakistanis especially have all read the same 50 books. And so we all think the same and we talk about the same names and many of them self-help. What about history? What about sports? What about the rise and fall of empires? What about science? What about technology? I work to inspire people and I think that can come from anywhere. It doesn’t need me to just tell people, “hey, you can, you can, you can”. It’s also, “hey, look what all is around.” That helps people sort of take responsibility and believe that they can.
Happiness is cognitive. It comes out of thinking. It’s seeing what all is there and then coming towards rather than just being pushed into whatever you imagine. My advice is that you should expand the horizons of your imagination. Number one. Number two, motivational speakers paint a very rosy picture of life and they would make you believe that every instance you can be happy. I believe that human beings can wire themselves into anything and motivational speakers sort of take it to an extreme level and say that it is possible. So yes, I say that that’s possible.
Is it practical? Is it desirable in my dictionary? No, because I too believe that yes, life has seasons and the grieving has its own amazing powers. It cleans you, your frustrations, your pains lead to a lot of drives in your life. And Trust me, you learn the most on an empty stomach, the broken heart and probably a cashless wallet. And so to receive life with that, then there is growing up, I’m not what I was five years ago and to graduate into a new role. I think that piece is what motivational speakers don’t quite cover well, to help people through those phases. So I agree with the big paradigm and I think it’s needed because the world has become very negative, paranoid. Every important building is like a fort. These days, everybody is wondering “Hey, am I good enough”, and, “am I going to get enough likes or comments”.
MM: So our days here on earth are numbered and we all get 1440 minutes every day. Successful people clearly understand that, creating more time and freedom is all about setting priorities. How do you frame optimum time management and whether there are any tools, tactics, or mechanisms that one can design to get the best out of 24 hours?
UJ: Oh, they are plenty. My mind has been buzzing with ideas and I started very young and learnt on the job. I’m saved because I have a calendar and that calendar is…You know, I was training and I lost my cousin and I was training and it was 10 in the morning and I got the news. That calendar has saved me honestly, where it has been tough. It has been…I’m sitting here, I have to report on wherever the training is tomorrow. It could be anywhere in this country, it could be outside.Nothing will bring a lost second back. But we all waste time, so do we just put our hands up in that second, no. The key in my view is to really feel fulfilled that you did what you had to, you were yourself and you lived it in the best possible way. I believe in that. Pick up your must. Pick up your shirts and pick up your coats. I’ll give an easy tool here that just put down whatever you want to do and use this simple tool.What is the one thing that you must do? What does it do for you? What would you do if you had all the time in this world? For a student that must is their schooling and their own personality. For a professional, that must is the contract they have signed. These musts are non-negotiable. Your faith gives you some must. Your country gives you some must. I know for a fact that our life has enough time to do the must. The problem is that it’s the coulds that motivate people instead of musts. I’ll rest my case here. That’s all that I know about time management.
MM: Expectations, is there an opportunity for us to own up to our laziness and our fears and insecurities? How does this apply to individuals?
UJ: It’s a two edged sword, expectations. Having done it for 12 years now, when I walk into a hall, I’m expected to do a lot of things and I may not be in the mood. I might be preoccupied, or I might just have had a bad day. But there is expectation. So yes, it helps me because I have to live up to that expectation. Just like you expect performance from a great batsman so that batsman can turn around and say that yes your expectations kept me going and helped me. But for the, superstars, the expectations can be killers too. And I learned this very early because I did a program called Dastan-e-Ishq and there was just everything that I believed in, in that experience and I wanted to present, I put it into a musical sequence and it was a success.
I did good 150 dastans, but all the people who attended them would say to me that it was good. I think in artists’ minds that when you have a bestseller and you need to write another one, it can be a killer. How I’ve learned to cope with it is also how it can help you. That is to have multiple strategies for dealing with different situations in life.
So I’ve come to this comfort now because sometimes you end up doing great work, and sometimes you end up doing things that don’t match expectations. I got married late at 31 and I realized that my expectations didn’t match up to what it was. And through that I’ve learned that barriers break when people talk. If you are expecting something from me and not telling me, I can keep going on for the next 10 minutes completely off. But let’s have that chat. It needs a bit of vulnerability that is difficult to create. But in my life, I’ve tried creating that with my audiences. Even the people I’d meet for the first time, I tell them in the first five minutes that you can help me score a lot of friends today. Talk to people who have expectations and let them know that sometimes you just can’t meet them. That’s the way it is. And when you don’t, I think those are the days that really, really tell you more about the relationship you’re in. They tell you more about what you need to be doing. So just like the earlier question you had about introspection, think about it when you’re walking into it, but also think about it when you come back from it and you’re upset. And that thinking is usually emotional thinking, right? So separate that and go rationally, eventually you will calm down. Yeah, it’s a dance.
MM: So there’s never a perfect time to start anything. I personally believe like everything is right now. What would you say to the people who have been planning for so long? Just waiting for that perfect moment to start something that they’ve always wanted to do.
UJ: I would tell them to love themselves a little more and to be gentle to themselves. Being a perfectionist contributes to not liking yourself and what you produce. And wanting to be magical and to be right and to be great at all times, denies you of being human. Work with what you’ve got, today the whole world calls it MVP, minimum viable product. It would not sell. It would not receive any traction. You’d probably get a nasty email to that or a nasty comment to that. So is the effort wasted? No, it’s not because until this time it was only in your mind. By putting it out, you’ve also gotten some votes, some idea and some testing. Do a whole lot of it and do it every day. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Launch businesses, you know, if you have an extra car put it on Careem. If you have an extra shop, try doing something there and put a budget to it. This is my 50,000 failure budget. And I think that will give you a great reason to just go ahead and do it. Most ideas that that have really changed us were not ideas thought by an individual, but were ideas that resulted out of cross fertilization and people learning from each other.
That only happens when I put my idea out. Whatever I know or I have mastered, I am telling with all honesty. Now the audience can help me with it, can leave a comment on it, but if I don’t do it, if I don’t kick, I never score. So, that’s what I have learned.
MM: You found your calling at such a young age. I think you were 17 at that time and but today there are millions of millennials’ out there who feel lost. They’re craving belonging and connection. What would you say to someone who hasn’t found their passion yet? Regardless of how old they are or what stage of life they’re in?
UJ: You don’t need to find it outside. You need to find it inside. It’s your passion so it can’t be outside. It can’t come from somebody else’s advice. It has to come from your deepest realization. Positive is passionate.
If you look at it spiritually, then Allah had to get a lot done for our lives to unfold for this world to move forward. And he probably equipped all of us with some talents and with some pains as well, or if not by default then our own childhood got us to experience that and our code was written there, honor it. And you know, the beautiful part is that the back end could be this drive, this pain, but front end could be anything. In front end you could be a teacher and educator, a social worker, a corporate professionalLeave aside all the big templates and the tools and the profiles. Sit alone and ask yourself, what is it that gets you moving and focus on that.
MM: That’s so powerful. I love this quote by Marcus Aurelius, it says that we love ourselves more than others, but we care about their opinion more than our own. Now we live in a society with a “what would people say?” syndrome. How can they break that trap and start taking action?
UJ: Learn from the class four story in the English book, father and a son taking a donkey and one of them sits and so people look around and they say, alright, child is sitting and the old father is walking, look at what young people are nowadays these days. And then they swap so the father is sitting and the child is sort of walking ahead and people look around and they say, oh, what kind of parents are they? We would never do that. So they both, they both sit on the donkey. So now people look and say, ah, couldn’t even think about the poor animal. So they’d be both get off the donkey and now people say what stupid people.
I would like you to understand that everything you hear from anyone is their opinion. It’s not a fact. It might be coming from a fact, but you can get down to the fact because it’s about you.
You have lived this life, whatever happened in it you had dealt with it, you dealt with people, they dealt with you, but does anyone have the right to decide your next move? Or to spoil your mood? I have my phone on do not disturb. Now you know why? Because I don’t want a random guy taking my attention away. That’s what I tried doing with the opinions I hear. However, it can lead to some narcissism that you start believing in everything that you say is right. Therefore, go with a flexible mind and don’t turn it into a debate. Your job is not to protect yourself, but to understand where the other is coming from. Don’t agree. Don’t disagree. Just take it with you. Between the yes and no.
If you don’t get into the emotional traps, if you just process and bring it back, you yourself will go back and go back better because everybody knows at the end of the day that I don’t have all the answers. There are parts of what others are saying that might be right. Drop the defense and say, fine, people have processed, they’re coming from somewhere, find out where they’re coming from and then you’re in a better place to evaluate what you’ve got to change but please don’t take other’s opinions as your reality.
MM: That’s so powerful. Before I ask my last question, where can people connect with you online?
UJ: Oh, my page, my Facebook page “Umair Jaliawala” you can find me on Instagram. I have a good youtube channel. So yes, you can reach out at all the social channels that you use and my team does get back, so I’m very accessible, that way. But it will be good if you joined me on the channels that you’re not on because I’m trying for content to be separated based on the mood of the channel now. And I have my own website. It’s “Jaliawala.com”.
MM: Okay. What is the legacy that you want to be remembered by? I’ve never been scared of death. Every time I fly in alot of turbulence. It’s good. There’s Azaan happening. I love the timings of things.
UJ: I think that’s the answer. It’s wonderful. I was just reflecting. When you’re born, they do the Azan. And that’s the start ,they say namaz e janaza , doesn’t have the Azan because the Azan was done when you were born. So your life is actually the time between them. That’s a wrap up. And what does the Azan say? It says, God is great. Human beings aspire to be great. Call each other. Great. Great, great, great. And what about your concept of God? If He is everything that is around this multi-verse, all of us, our imaginations, the idea of it, then sure it’s great. And to be a witness to that, to accept that, to bow down to that, to have done it all your life, that you were not what your mind told you.
You were part of a larger scheme, a scheme far bigger than your own imagination and the little worries that you were born with and to believe in great people, great advice being sent down. Every culture has amazing people. I don’t know how many of them qualified to be prophets. It’s not that one man. It’s the idea. It’s the message to be supreme in your conduct throughout this life. To be a war strategist, to be an educator, to be a teacher, to be a husband, and yet be exemplary in all of that. That people can’t stop writing about every move of yours. To be a witness to that, to pick the path of coming together, standing together, forming a culture together. I could do it in my own house. This call is for me to step out, to do it collectively. When you die to not just be how big you became or how big your family became, but people should show up at your funeral from unknown places and who can’t even tell where all they’ve come from. When did they meet or what did they hear and yet they have something to say that how their life became better in the process. So come to the way of goodness, of prosperity. That’s the call.
