Aliya Naseer Farooq
‘What is the difference between loneliness and solitude’? , my friend asked.
‘I think you know the answer to that. Everyone has their own answers to life questions’, I replied.
Our mind, like a mirror, reflects back our joys, sorrows, disappointments, successes, traumas. Reflecting back on these life experiences it shows each one of us a different world. The reason why I find pocket of stillness so calming is because there are no screams in my ‘stillness’, there are no sobs in my ‘quiet’. Why the next person abhors such seclusion is that he needs loud music, the din of traffic and a crowd of people around him. He hates to be left alone with his silence.
His silence is too loud. His mirror shows a life inundated with fear, trauma, and abandonment. Noise is like a plush blanket. It makes him feel safe and insulated.
That is why, my friend, you have to find your own answer. I can only share with you, my answer.
Solitude, for me, is time alone with my thoughts, memories, plans. My solitude is filled with laughter, light, love. Many faces come to my solitude, as if they’d been waiting to see me without the paraphernalia of the world around me…. the most kind eyes of my father come to shine upon me. The rare smile of my mother like a ray of light. Shared laughter of friends rings like music. Moments of ecstasy long forgotten. My solitude is full, rich and sought after.
Happiest people do not necessarily have everything. They make the best of everything. Inner peace and genuine happiness stem from your psyche. Your mental environment. Your psychological makeup. A positive attitude, a relaxed mind and a cleansed soul will attract the best from everything and everyone around.
You have the power to turn your loneliness into solitude. Things do not always have to remain the same. You must not allow your past to overshadow your present and future. Do not allow the thorns of your past to pierce the fabric of your life. Do not allow pain to chart the course of your life. You cannot control everything that happens to you but you can definitely control your responses to these events.
These thorns should not rob you of kind people who gravitate towards you. Do not let these thorns manifest as the chip on your shoulder or the venom on your tongue. Kind hearted people are real. They are here. They are not ‘after’ anything. They have enough. They are enough.
Yet, they have a leaning
towards the sufferer, the downtrodden, the underdog, the neglected. They will
come to you with open arms and big smiles. Do not fall into the vicious cycle
of, ‘ What does she want?’
‘ What’s she after ?’
‘ Why is she being so sweet?’
‘ I wonder what the catch is…?’
Her openness and kindness are
not driven by self advancement. Her hugs are not for sale. There are no price
tags on her smiles. She is who she is, no apologies, no excuses, no
explanations.
Genuine people exist but we drive them away with our constant questionings and justifications. You know why?
We drive them away because we are convinced, deep down, that we do not deserve them. We have been beaten so hard that softness scares us. We have been told so many times that we are not good enough that we start believing it.
It is not true. You are worth all the good that comes your way. You deserve kindness and wholesome friendships. Relationships free of the toxic give and take, the conniving, the cunning, the malice. Free yourself. Shed the skin that doesn’t fit you any more.
Be the best you, despite the beatings, the shadows and the hoarse voices. You came out of the darkness. You survived. Now live your life in the sunshine and spread some of that light. Let your loneliness transform into solitude.
