Syed Mansoor Qutab
Toxic masculinity does not confine itself to the public arena but at home as well. Humans have this urge to control environments to their fullest – specially men. Home is where they feel they have authority and power in any form and to any degree. Women are victims of frustrated, emasculated, and complexed men who control financial resources and thus feel entitled to carry out physical and emotional abuse.
Sadly, there are many stake holders complicit to these problems. This is a societal problem – every neighbour, school teacher, police officer, every onlooker that has ever uttered the words “It’s their personal matter”. A violent criminal that abuses the people in their lives are only encouraged when there is no backlash, or retaliation from the society, or the household itself. By being a silent onlooker, you immediately become complicit in the crime that they commit.
Back in 2016, a Moroccan TV show aired a segment where they demonstrated how to hide bruises and scars of domestic abuse by applying make-up. Even though they apologized for the segment, it is still a tragedy that it was allowed to air. Similarly, a news channel in Pakistan, GNN, in one of their late-night comedy shows, did a skit on domestic abuse, normalising the issue. Their approach to the issue was degrading and disturbing. They are all to blame. Pakistan doesn’t just need social activists or the state to help its people, through campaigns, and resource allocation, but it needs the public to help the people that are victims of the abuse.
This criminal behaviour can be tackled by empowering women to speak up. Phone hotlines exist to handle such cases, as well as shelter homes have been provided by the state, through the Ministry of Human Rights. If the number of reported cases of Domestic Abuse rise heavily, it would be a success for the Ministry, not because the cases of domestic abuse will have risen but because the people will be more comfortable with the system to open up to our state sponsored therapists and helplines.
Similarly, it’s the publics’ responsibility to empower women, by making a safe space for the women and children in their lives. Anonymity during the earlier process can be guaranteed, and the strengthening of our judicial process is necessary for the betterment of these people. On several occasions, we have come across Police or even other officials that state, “It’s your personal matter, and a husband, or a father can do whatever they want with you, in the boundaries of the house.” This statement destroys lives, and has repercussions. Since the Shaheed Benazir Bhutto Shelter for Women was established in Islamabad, there was hope that lives would be saved, but we cannot empower women, or help them stand up for themselves when our own public deflates their hope.
Finally, my advice to you women, trust me when I say this, you will never be homeless, you will never be ostracized, and your abuse will not go without retaliation. For every Mohsin Abbas, there is an Osman Khalid Butt that will always raise their voice and will always stand up to help. Women like Mahira Khan, Shireen Mazari, and Mahwash Ajaz will always have your back. Don’t wait for help, ask for it.
