Saad Gul
The Japanese art of Kintsugi teaches that broken objects are not a source of embarrassment but are to be displayed with pride. It is the precious art of cracks and blemishes. Instead of throwing a broken piece of pottery into garbage, there is an alternative. Practitioners of the art repair broken items with a golden adhesive that enhances the break lines, making the piece unique and adding value to the broken object. Kintsugi, literally can be translated as golden (“kin”) and repair (“tsugi”). This can teach us something about resilience and failure that we can apply to ourselves. As with the gold enhancing the pottery our scars enhance us. Our scars show our fortitude and courage – also reminding us that we, as humans, are all imperfect.
When we suffer a setback, we are quick to harshly judge ourselves for not being good enough. When in reality, these are moments when we’ve got to gently remind ourselves that we’re only human and that it’s okay if we make terrible choices – we all have proclivity for malevolence. We just learn not to repeat those mistakes and truly embrace our flaws and blemishes. We learn to embrace and love our shortcomings and imperfections. This begs the question, how do we end up in these patterns anyway?
Negative self talk and self flagellation generally emerge as a result of doing something we know, instinctively, we shouldn’t. In the aftermath of such events, it is natural to feel our confidence diminishing. In the aftermath of a break up, in an attempt to be liked or seek validation, after losing a job or even suffering a substantial financial loss we can feel like life is being unfair to us. We talk to ourselves as we’ve been victimized. In an almost punishing, tyrannical way – we speak to ourselves harshly – certainly not how we would talk to someone we love and care deeply for. But this is counterintuitive. We must practice kintsugi and take pride in the scars that break us down. Rumi said that the wound is the place where the light enters you.
If we fall down seven times, we must stand up eight – stronger, wiser and determined to avoid similar mistakes that cracked us in the first place. We treat our losses as opportunities to learn. We treat failures as stepping stones to grow. As you treat yourself with more compassion and love, you start to realize that your blemishes are what make you beautiful and unique. You learn how to accept your imperfections. Instead of trying to hide them. You open the doors to a happier and more meaningful life. You accept that being vulnerable is empowering. We learn that we have strength we never knew existed; with this newfound strength we are allowed to grow.
The kintsugi technique suggests many things. We shouldn’t throw away broken objects. When an object breaks, it doesn’t mean that it is no more useful. Its breakages can become valuable. We should try to repair things because sometimes in doing so we obtain more value. This is the essence of resilience.
Each of us should look for a way to cope with traumatic events in a positive way, learn from negative experiences, take the best from them and convince ourselves that exactly these experiences make each person unique, precious.
