Aliya Naseer Farooq
One aunty to another, ‘ You only have one son, bass time spend kar lo iskay sath..phir tou biwi ajaye gi !’
In an office, among colleagues, ‘ X always sits alone at lunch, he’s so haughty..’
In a university, one girl to another,
A: ‘ Y is not very social,naa, hardly talks – just gives a smile.’
B: ‘ Hunh, you should see her talking to the boys! Girls se hi baat karna pasand nahi karti…..’
All the above scenarios present extremely common occurences. We have all been privy to such conversations.Sometimes we have taken part in these seemingly harmless comments.
What is wrong with such little observations, it’s only human to comment. One cannot go around with a zipped mouth, after all !
True that; yet, when a friend jokes about the only son getting married and not having any time for the mother, the joke hits a raw nerve.This mother is already tense, apprehensive and scared. Even if she appears calm and confident.The non chalance is a thin veneer over a raw spot. Why, oh why would you want to joke about that ? Why ? That is my question, why can’t you jokingly say, ‘ Your house is going to be full of laughter now that your son is getting married. You’ll never feel lonely again !’
About the colleague who eats alone at lunch time – he might be grieving or sick or depressed. Did you go and try to communicate? Did you invite him over to your table? If not, then why pass judgements. You do not wear his shoes. He may just be shy or introvert. Is that a crime?
That girl whose reputation you destroyed or tried to…why? Whether she talks less or more, whether she prefers make company over female…is that any of your business? Of course not. She may have had extremely bitter past experiences with her friends, for all you know. These people could be trying their best to overcome obstacles that ‘seem’ insurmountable to them. The reserved and guarded attitude, the anti social stance or a happy veneer may well be the string tying their broken pieces together;keeping them from falling apart.
Be kind, be respectful. Try to understand and even if you don’t, just remember..’It’s none of your business!’
We should find excuses before we hurl allegations and keep our observations positive. These negative thoughts spread like poisoned arrows that do not kill but the venom keeps piling up and may one day become the last straw for someone fighting a silent battle.
I have seen and heard too many people say, ‘….but what did I do?’ Really! You want me to spell it out? Your little nudges, sarcastic, seemingly harmless ‘jokes’ about that person’s vulnerability only added fuel to the fire. It’s a known fact that what you joke about tells a lot about who you are;do the litmus test. If all your jokes are directed outwards, if you are unable to laugh at your own foibles then probably your sense of humour is in dire need of fine tuning. Please remember that we all live in glass houses and the stone you throw at another will shatter your own house first.
What you give, you get. Be honest, kind, grateful, mindful, positive. Your attitudes. Your attitudes reflect your personality much more clearly than your carefully cultivated appearance. Clothes, hair, make up only goes so far. Beyond that is ‘you’. If you forget to be kind and well mannered, I’d say, ‘ Hey, congratulations on your pretty face!’ rather than, ‘You’re a lovely person!’ This goes out to all those carefully coiffered, manicured fellow humans who have elbowed their way to the buffet table. To all those young girls with perfect make up who shoved in order to get in the elevator and all those heavily perfumed individuals who stepped on your toes and pretended that you do not exist! Excuse me, sir, madam, all that Mon Blanc or Jimmy Choo did not stifle the stench of mean spiritedness and poor upbringing. I, personally, have immense respect for a certain bag boy, at a well known grocery store, who always volunteers to pick your bags or give a helping hand. Respect honesty. Respect hard work;not money, status or inheritance. This whole, I belong to so and so caste or clan or tribe leave me unimpressed. Do not tell me who you are, show me who you are.
Our words are significant. They are not empty air. They are targeted missiles, fired bullets, shot arrows.They can also be flowers and rose petals. The responsibility lies with you and I. Our time on planet earth is measured. Let’s spent it mindfully. It does not cost a penny to do so and ‘karma’ makes sure your goodness resonates, bounces off and finds its way back to you.
