Aliya Naseer Farooq
Change, they say, is the only constant. Times change and in turn change you. In this process of evolution we acquire and we shed. It is not always smooth sailing and all that is acquired is not necessarily ‘ acquisition – worthy ‘, while all that is shed is not just the crappy or the redundant. At times we lose things of value, not being able to see their true worth at that point in time. We hanker after stuff that we hold in high esteem in one particular phase of our life; stuff that ceases to hold our attention once we move past a certain point.
Evaluation and reevaluation, assessment and reassessment, trial and error, falling and failing, success and smiles are all part and parcel of our personal growth. Grow we must.
We buy and use so many products to keep our skin youthful and supple, yet, it is equally important to keep our minds active and agile, our hearts open and warm, our homes serene and calm, our tables simple and welcoming.
A child may cry for a new toy and throw a fit when dragged away from the toy store. Being a child, she does not have the wide exposure nor the requisite experience of life to know that this one toy is not the be all and end all of it.
When grown men and women get obsessed with the yearning for one possession on another, be it a certain brand of accessories or a trip to an exotic destination or a certain number on the weighing scale – it is painful to see because these men and women are not two year olds any longer. We have the wide exposure and the requisite experience of life to know better. There are always choices. You need to be open minded and open hearted enough to take in the vista of possibilities all around you.
Look at your world with a positive stance, a warm heart and from a place of no judgement. Things will look brighter and opportunities will become manifest. Most of the time it is not that our scope is narrow but it is our mind set that is limiting and our preconceived ideas and prejudiced views that hold us back. It is we who limit ourselves.
The little toddler who is fixated on the toy has not yet learnt to let go, but you have, haven’t you? You can feel when a particular relationship has stagnated beyond growth. You know when a certain job has become stifling. You recognise the signs and realise that it is time to move on. You do that and you let go. To get rid of excess baggage in order to take flight.
The little ones also have a hard time sharing but we older people ought to know better and get better at letting go. Over the years we come to learn the fleeting nature of things. We know how fickle life is and how petty it is to hanker after stuff that is here today and gone tomorrow. Our younger selves also thought of themselves as the centre of the universe, most of the time. It was all about me, myself and mine! Not so the mature self. Now, we have been thrashed around a bit, we are no longer our grandparents’ first grandchild or the apple of our father’s eye. We are now on our own out there, in the big bad world and we learn. We learn that there are a rare few things worth holding on to and most of those are not even palpable, material ones. We learnt that emotions and feelings stay long after the radiant looks and bright eyes fade away.
We have come a long way doing things on our own, being the one to carry all the burden on our shoulders. Be it the twenty grocery bags, the aftermath of a love gone wrong or a friendship gone sour. We would, could and should do it all by ourself. That is what being a grown up means, doesn’t it ? No, it does not. That is just the arrogance of youth and once the first flush of it wears off, we know that no one will, can or shall do it all by oneself. We need a few good ones by our side because none of us is as strong as we once thought we were. The wiser ones learn to delegate sooner than the less wise, who would fall on their face a few times before realising that things and chores need to be divided in order to run a smooth operation, as well as to enjoy the show a little more.
In the humdrum of mundane life we sometimes forget to celebrate. We forget to greet the new day and bless our little universe with a prayer of gratitude for one more glorious day. To celebrate rain, the shine and the rainbow. The green, the gold and the frosty white. We forget to celebrate the tiny milestones of our near and dear ones, waiting on the sidelines for an ‘ event ‘ to celebrate. Forgetting that each healthy breath is an event. Celebrate while you can – celebrate your loved ones, your life, yourself.
Let go of the negative, the toxic, the painful both within and without. Make space for the positive, the healing and the joyful. Authority and position is the most fleeting of occupations. Occupy yourself with the job of loving and caring, for that shall remain and resonate long after you are gone. Be the harbinger of joy and a cause for someone’s celebration.
Aliya Naseer Farooq is a freelance writer. She has written columns for The Nation and The Frontier Post. After a decade of teaching English, she is now back to writing, her first love.
