Saad Gul
Life is hard and we constantly come across unpleasant thoughts, difficult decisions, negative people and unfair events. How we choose to respond in these moments determines how grounded and resilient we are.
Marcus Aurelius, the stoic philosopher king, said “Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.”
Consider this. Imagine you are driving to work, listening to your favourite song or podcast – minding your own business. A few moments later a car recklessly drives past you, the driver flips you off, and putting a few other cars at risk, dangerously speeds away. How do you react? Most will get infuriated in these moments and think “This insolent prick almost killed me!” Wanting to avenge, some will even speed, pull up next to the reckless driver, lower the window and try to settle scores.
You’re totally fine, but deeply upset. But why are you upset? What harm has actually been inflicted? Is your car damaged? Are you injured? All that’s really hurt is your ego. It all lies within perception. It could have been an emergency – perhaps a call from the hospital; news of death of a loved one.
The right thing to do – and the more difficult choice – would be to remain calm and be grateful that you’re lucky, breathing, unhurt.
At the height of his boxing career in the mid 1960’s, Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter – a top contender for middle weight title – was wrongly convicted of triple homicide. He went on trial for a crime he did not commit and when the verdict was passed, he had been given three life sentences.
Having experienced a crushing fall from the heights of fame and success, when he arrived at prison, he asked to speak to someone in charge. Looking the warden in the eye he said, “I know you had nothing to do with the injustice that brought me to this jail, so I’m willing to stay here until I get out. But I will not, under any circumstances, be treated like a prisoner — because I am not and never will be powerless.”
Instead of breaking down, as many would have done in a similar unfortunate and unfair situation, Carter declined to surrender. He knew he had the power to control himself: his beliefs, values, mindset, attitude and choices.
Do you think he was raging and furious? Of course he was! Instead, he chose to conserve all his energy for his legal case; he spent every second on learning and improving. He obsessively read law, philosophy and history books. He immediately started investing in his future. He would forge a path out of prison and return to society stronger and wiser.
It took two trials and nineteen years to win the legal battle but when Carter walked out of prison, he returned to society normally. Even in the dark depths of solitary confinement he had promised himself that he will not feel harmed.
We are constantly telling stories to ourselves. We then make choices – based on those narratives. The next time something unexpected happens, be more mindful. Instead of reacting or withdrawing, choose to be fluid. Don’t take anything personally and let words and events pass right through you.
In the aftermath of adversity – after having calmed down – consider what Seneca said about perception: “There are more things.. likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”
